Frankfurter Gemeine Zeitung

Der Zauselbart und die milde Gabe- Oder: Wie man einen Punker um einen Dienst betrügt

 

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Neulich ging der Zauselbart in der Fußgängerzone spazieren. Da wurde er von einem Spendensammler angesprochen.

Spendensammler: Entschuldigen Sie! Haben Sie kurz Zeit?

Zauselbart: Kurz… ja.

Spendensammler: Ich sammle für Kinder in Not. Wären Sie bereit etwas zu spenden.

Zauselbart: Was für Kinder?

Spendensammler: Na eben Kinder in Not.

Zauselbart: Nochmal meine Frage: Was für Kinder?

Spendensammler: In der dritten Welt.

Zauselbart: Aha… die dritte Welt ist groß.

Spendensammler: In Afrika.

Zauselbart: Aha… Afrika ist groß.

Spendensammler: Das Geld geht an verschiedene Projekte. Unter anderem in Burkina Faso.

Zauselbart: Aha… das Geld geht “unter anderem” an “verschiedene Projekte”. Und was sind die verschiedenen Projekte?

Spendensammler: Zum Beispiel Bau von Brunnen.

Zauselbart: Damit das Grundwasser dort noch weiter abgepumpt wird? Und die Bauern keine Erträge auf den Feldern erwirtschaften?

Spendensammler: Nein die Brunnen dienen natürlich auch der Bewässerung von Feldern.

Zauselbart: Ich dachte es geht um Kinder.

Spendensammler: Die Kinder profitieren doch auch davon.

Zauselbart: Aha… die Kinder profitieren also davon, wenn man ihnen das Grundwasser abpumpt, so dass sie in spätestens zehn Jahren unter der Dürre leiden.

Spendensammler: Ich sehe Sie sind schwer zu überzeugen. Aber wir haben ja auch zahlreiche andere Projekte als die Brunnen.

Zauselbart: Aha… was denn?

Spendensammler: Wir liefern auch Medikamente!

Zauselbart: Was für Medikamente? Die Antibabypille?

Spendensammler: Nein natürlich nicht! Antibiotika zum Beispiel für die kranken Kinder.

Zauselbart: Aha… wozu?

Spendensammler: Damit die Kinder überleben können! Wissen Sie: Pro Jahr sterben…

Zauselbart: (unterbricht) Warum sollen sie überleben?

Spendensammler: Weil es doch unmenschlich wäre sie sterben zu lassen!

Zauselbart: Und wenn sie dann groß sind? Dann zeugen sie selbst noch mehr Kinder die unsere Antibiotika brauchen. Liefern sie lieber die Antibabypille. Dann werden keine Kinder gezeugt und wir brauchen uns nicht um sie zu kümmern.

Spendensammler: Das ist zynisch! Die Kinder haben doch auch ein Recht auf Leben. Und wir wollen doch gar nicht viel. Fünf Euro im Monat würden doch schon reichen. Sind sie Raucher? Das wäre doch nur eine Schachtel Zigaretten auf die Sie verzichten müssten?

Zauselbart: Da sterbe ich doch lieber früher. Keinen Cent für Euch Schnorrer! Schönen Tag noch! (Geht weiter)

Ein paar Meter weiter stand ein Punk.

Punk: Hey Kumpel!

Zauselbart: Was ist los?

Punk: Haste mal einen Euro?

Zauselbart: Klar. Hier hast Du fünf.

Punk: Wahnsinn! Vielen Dank!

Zauselbart: Nicht Du musst mir danken! Ich habe zu danken! Danke vielmals! Ich weiß es sehr zu schätzen, was Du für mich getan hast. Danke!

Punk: Wofür?

Zauselbart: Für alle Dienste die Du mir eben erwiesen hast.

Punk: Was für Dienste?

Zauselbart: Siehst Du den Spendensammler da drüben? Diesen dreckigen Straßenräuber! Diesen Manipulator und Betrüger! Diesen babyknutschenden Adolf Hitler! Er macht hier Werbung mit den ach so armen Kindern. Doch wenn solche Leute von Kindern reden, appellieren sie an den niedersten Instinkt von allen. Die sogenannte Moral. Die Kadavermoral.

Lassen sich nicht die windigsten Politiker am liebsten mit Babys ablichten? Sind nicht die Hochglanzbroschüren, auf denen einen traurige Kinderaugen zu Spenden auffordern sollen, eine der perfidesten Formen der Nötigung? Und schreiben sich nicht die wutschäumenden Verfechter der Folter und der Todesstrafe immer wieder das Wohl der Kinder auf die Fahnen und “schreien Tod den Kindermördern” solange bis sie selbst dazu werden? Und wird nicht mit dem Schutz der Jugend die übelste Zensur gerechtfertigt?

Nichts gegen Kinder! Aber wenn mir einer von Kindern redet und damit Politik machen oder Spenden sammeln will dann ist er mir höchst verdächtig!

Und jeder Euro den ich Dir gab war ein offener Schlag ins Gesicht dieses Spendensammlers. Sieh nur, wie er herüberschaut.

Mit meinen fünf Euro habe ich Dich zum Vollstrecker seiner Demütigung gemacht.

Punk: Wow! Kollege Du bist ein Freak!

Zauselbart: Vielleicht! Aber es gibt noch einen Dienst, den Du nicht mir, sondern der Gesellschaft erwiesen hast. Und für diesen bin ich Dir auch dankbar.

Punk: Was ist mit der Gesellschaft? Ich scheiß auf die Gesellschaft.

Zauselbart: Und doch stehst Du hier bei Wind und Wetter und musst die abschätzigen Blicke und die Verachtung der Leute ertragen. Der Weg des geringsten Widerstandes wäre doch, wenn Du Dir irgendeinen lauen Job suchst. Aber Du stehst hier als Farbklecks in der grauen Stadt.

Und wenn Du betrunken bist und die Spießer anpöbelst erweckst Du sie kurz aus ihrem Alltagstrott. Dann können sie Angst oder Wut fühlen. Etwas Archaisches und Echtes. Ein kurzes Aufblitzen von Freiheit. Dadurch dass Du Deine Freiheit aufgegeben hast, kannst Du sie so vielen schenken.

Punk: Aber ich bin frei!

Zauselbart: Nein. Du sitzt jeden Tag in der Fußgängerzone.


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