Frankfurter Gemeine Zeitung

Ich wär so gern wie Du

King  Lui

Wenn ich wie Du wäre…

Dann könnte ich klar zwischen gut und böse unterscheiden

Dann würde mir der Kaffee im Eckcafé besser schmecken als der Cappucino Grande bei Starbucks

Dann würde ich lieber Biokartoffeln mit grüner Soße futtern, als die schwermetallbelasteten Shrimps aus der vietnamesischen Aquakultur

Und käme mir dabei nicht einmal piefig und provinziell vor

Vielleicht könnte ich dann sogar guten Gewissens Grün wählen ohne mich schon bei der Abgabe der Stimme verraten zu fühlen

–Schubidubidu, ich wär´ so gern wie du-u-u!–

Ich könnte Vegetarier sein

Und Urlaub in der Toskana machen

Ich würde mich mit Wein auskennen, statt mich mit Bier zu besaufen und dann aggressiv zu werden

Überhaupt wäre ich entspannter, weil ich wüsste, was das Richtige ist

Ich wäre für nachhaltige Energiesparlampen

Und für Freilandeier und könnte die Tatsache ausblenden, dass die Hühner in Freilandhaltung um ein x-faches mehr Antibiotika bekommen als eine Käfighenne

–Schubidubidu, ich wär´so gern wie du-u-u!–

Ich könnte spenden!

Endlich einmal ein gutes Gewissen haben.

Und müsste dabei nicht pausenlos an Ablasshandel denken

Ich könnte die EU Scheiße finden

Aber immer noch besser als die USA

Ich wäre für gute Beziehungen mit China und dem Dalai Lama

–Schubidubidu, ich wär´so gern wie du-u-u!–

Ich würde mehr lesen

Und zwar nicht dauernd am Bildschirm

Denn die Buchstaben in einem Buch sind nachhaltige Buchstaben

Die auf dem Bildschirm nicht

Vielleicht könnte ich sogar Spargel essen, ohne dauernd die Assoziation eines nach Pisse stinkenden Phallus vor Augen zu haben

Und hätte immer genug Bionade für meine Gartenpartys

–Schubidubidu, ich wär´so gern wie du-u-u!–

Ich hätte Mitleid

Und wenn ich die schrecklichen Nachrichtenbilder sähe,

dann würde ich etwas dabei fühlen

und ich würde mich freuen wenn Deutschland bei irgendeiner Sportveranstaltung gewinnt

natürlich nicht dumpf und nationalistisch freuen

eher so abgeklärt freuen, wie Harald Schmidt

Ich würde Sarah Kuttner mögen und Charlotte Roche

–Schubidubidu, ich wär´so gern wie du-u-u!–

Ich würde deutschen HipHop lieben

Den von damals als er noch nicht mit Machoklischees vollgepackt war

Und wäre noch immer Fanta4-Fan

Ich wäre nicht der Meinung, dass „Braindead“ der beste Film von Peter Jackson ist

Und das erste was andere Menschen sagen würden, die mich beschreiben sollen

Wäre, dass ich „voll nett“ bin

Und an Fasching hätte ich so eine Affenmaske von Peter Fox getragen

–Schubidubidu, ich wär´so gern wie du-u-u!–

In meinen Computerspielen

würde es nicht um Krieg, Prügeleien und explodierende Zombies gehen,

sondern um Party mit allen meinen Freunden

Ich hätte Singstar und Mariokart

Und würde mich fithalten mit meiner Nintendo Wii

nach einer Stunde würde ich ausschalten und an die frische Luft gehen

und meinen Kindern würde ich Astrid Lindgren vorlesen

statt Harry Potter

–Schubidubidu…–

Ich hätte ein kurzes Gedächtnis

Und die Hoffnung, dass Rot-Grün es besser macht als Schwarz-Gelb

Und Sinn für Ästhetik hätte ich

Ich würde mich modisch kleiden und trotzdem etwas nerdy aussehen

Ich würde lieber Apple kaufen als Microsoft

Und auf den blauen Umweltengel achten

Ich hätte früher mal gekifft aber damit schon lange aufgehört

Und mit der Mülltrennung würde ich anfangen

–Schubidubidu, ich wär´so gern wie du-u-u!–

Über Kultur wäre ich informiert

Zumindest ein Bisschen

Wenn ich das Wort Oper höre, würde ich sofort an Anna Netrebko denken

Und auf jeden herabschauen, der nicht weiß wer das ist

Ab und an ginge ich ins Museum

Oder ins Theater

Egal wohin

–Schubidubidu!–


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