Frankfurter Gemeine Zeitung

Mein ADHS

Trippy

Dank meinem ADHS bin ich multitaskingfähig

Ich kann gleichzeitig fernsehen und Counterstrike spielen

Ich kann laufen und telefonieren während ich einen Döner esse

Und auf dem Scheißhaus Kaugummi kauen

In der Schule habe ich meistens geschlafen

Das war ökonomisch, weil ich dann abends mehr Zeit für Party hatte

Ich konnte total bekifft noch Klausuren schreiben

Und hatte gute Noten, auch wenn die Lehrer mich hassten

Dank ADHS

Am meisten hassten meine Lehrer nicht mein Benehmen

Sondern, dass ich trotzdem gute Noten schrieb

Ich war pädagogikinkompatibel

Und wollte mir nicht mal „helfen“ lassen

Dank ADHS

Ich kann doppelt so viel saufen, fressen, tanzen und ficken wie ihr

Auch ohne chemische Drogen zu nehmen

Kann ich mich benehmen als ob ich auf Speed wäre

Und in einer Sekunde von Null auf Hundert schalten

Dank ADHS

Ich bin nicht therapierbar und nicht therapiewillig

Warum sollte man Lebenskraft auch therapieren wollen?

Damit ich mich benehme wie Ihr?

Mit meinem ADHS will sich keiner von Euch Ärschen prügeln müssen

Nutzloses Ritalin

Das einzige wofür das Zeug gut ist,

ist auf einer Technoparty richtig abzufeiern

Und das langweilt mittlerweile voll

Dank ADHS

Wir ADHS-Kinder werden mehr und mehr

Und eines Tages Eure beschauliche Gesellschaft wegspülen

In einer neonpinkfarbenen Woge aus Energydrinks

Slowfood war gestern

Wir erschaffen geistige Welten

Weil uns das Global Village zu klein geworden ist

Wir sind nicht reizüberflutet

Wir überfluten den Reiz

Von wegen Indigokinder, von wegen Wassermannzeitalter

Spart Euch den Hippiescheiß

Wir bringen nicht Frieden sondern ein Schwert

Keine Blumenkinder, sondern Cybersoldaten

Wir sind Spongebob und Wiki-Leaks

Statt Tatort und Tagesschau

Wir scheißen auf die deutsche Sprache

Denn sie hat kein gutes Wort für Happy-Slapping

Unser Gott heißt Sarkasmus

Und wir haben keine Götter mehr neben ihm

Wir sind die vernetzten Neuronen

Unser Kollektivwille geschehe

Und erzählt uns nichts von Werten

Denn diese unterliegen Kursschwankungen

Und gehen oft genug bankrott

Unsere situative Intelligenz ist die Antithese zu gut und böse

Und darum die wahre Freiheit

Dank ADHS


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