Frankfurter Gemeine Zeitung

Herr d. beginnt, wieder zu lesen (1)

“Wieso, die singen doch bloß.” sagte Herr d., als seine Frau motze, es würde ihm doch bestimmt nichts ausmachen, aus dem Bild zu gehen. “BILD” dachte Herr d., “les’ ich nur noch, weil deine Brüste nicht mehr so schön sind!”, und verkroch sich ins Bad. Im Wohnzimmer säuselte die Nationalhymne weiter, als Herr d. die Hosen runter, die Hoden baumeln ließ und sich überzeugt emanzipatorisch setzte.
Fernsehen… er wollte noch nicht mal mehr geradeaus gucken, wozu dann in die Ferne.
Herr d. erledigte sein Geschäft, nicht nur auf dem Abort mit wohlüberlegter Präzision. Er wusch sich die Hände, doch er fühlte sich danach immer noch schmutzig: das ging seit Ostern so…
Weil er mit seiner Zeit nichts anzufangen wußte, hatte er eine Weile lang ARTE gesehen, um dem unnachgiebigen Drang zu verstehen Folge zu leisten. Folge für Folge einer weinerlichen Drittweltsendung, die am Ende zur Absolution durch Spenden aufrief. Davon hatte Herr d. noch nie etwas gehalten, es aber als aufrichtiger Demokrat trotzdem versucht, dadurch Gutes zu tun: es fühlte sich an, wie Granit zu schlucken. Wie ein Absolutionsbrief.
Seufzend verzog er sich in Schlafzimmer, dort konnte er die Glotze wenigstens aus lassen, wenn er wollte. Dann sank er aufs Bett. Einen Augenblich streifte sein Auge über Bilder von Schulfreunden, die er nie wieder gesehen hat, obgleich er sich mehrfach mit ihnen zum Kaffee verabredet hatte. Termine…
Er dachte an seine Schreinerlehre – welche heute Holzmechanikerschulung hieß, bei IKEA- und fragte sich, die Worte eines Anomymus zitierend : “Wo bin ich bloß falsch abgebogen?”
Die Antwort, die er aus Seinem Unterbewußtsein erhielt war: “Ich denke, also bin ich hier falsch…”
Herr d. hielt nicht viel vom Denken, um so verwunderlicher erschien es ihm, dass genau dies im Augenblick vielleicht das einzig richtige sein könnte.
Sein Blick wanderte weiter die Wände entlang und noch bevor er es sich versah, blieb sein Blick an einem schmalen Buchrücken im Regal, welches eigentlich nicht zum Büchersammeln, sondern mehr zum daherzeigen bestimmt gewesen war, haften.
Das Buch, oder Heftchen, bestach durch einen weißen Rücken mit wenigen Lettern, und wenn er sich recht entsinnte, war es ein Exemplar von 1994. Er schlug es auf, während ein Pfiff aus dem Wohnzimmer schallte: Elfmeter. Herr d. mußte kurz an Orwell denken und es gruselte ihn, denn auf der ersten Seite schon stand:

Geleitwort des Bundespräsidenten

“Am 3. Oktober 1990 wurde die staatlich Einheit Deutschlands vollendet.” Es beruhigte Herrn d. etwas, dass sein Land nun endlich eine finale Form erreicht hatte. Er hoffte auch, es würde so bleiben, denn Arbeit gab es ohnehin schon nicht genug. Noch weitere Grenzen? Da sei Gott vor! Den nächsten Satz, den er las, verstand er hingegen gar nicht, und das genau war ihm so unheimelig: “Das Grundgesetz wurde -auf Grund souveräner und bewußter Entscheidung der Bürger- gesamtdeutsche Verfassung.” Herr d. erinnerte sich nicht an eine solche Entscheidung. Er kratzte sich kurz am Kopf. Entscheidungen hatte er damals schon getroffen. So hatte er die Zusammenführung beispielsweise zwar seinerzeit gut gefunden, denn vielen seiner Verwandten, die er noch in den Siebzigern heimlich mit Geld versorgen mußte, hatten nun, Dank seiner Mithilfe ein Konto bei einem modernen Kreditinstitut. So konnte er etwas dazu beitragen, ihnen die Chance zu geben, auf eigenen Beinen zu stehen, und nicht mehr vom Solidaritätszuschlag leben zu müssen. Wie hatten sie doch gejubelt, und er käme nicht mehr im Traum darauf, ihre Gesellschaft missen zu wollen.
Er sann ein wenig darüber nach und schwelgte darin geschätzte dreißig Minuten. Dank seiner Maklerlizenz hatte er seinen Lieben sogar kurzfristig eine dauerhafte Bleibe verschaffen können. Die Ostmark war damals ja wieder was wert. Und die Marken im Osten erst recht. Es waren goldene Jahre gewesen…
Herr d. richtete sich auf und mit düsterem Blick schritt er, das Büchlein noch in der Hand, ins Wohnzimmer, um ein Auge auf den Halbzeitstand zu werfen.


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  1. Frankfurter Gemeine Zeitung » Blog Archiv » Herr d. beginnt …

    [...] den Beitrag weiterlesen: Frankfurter Gemeine Zeitung » Blog Archiv » Herr d. beginnt … Tags:Bild, rde-ihm, nichts-ausmachen, ich-nur, sich-ins, aus-dem, und-verkroch, das, hat, ste-nicht [...]

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