Frankfurter Gemeine Zeitung

Unser erster Anzeigenkunde: Riedberg der “sympathische” Stadtteil

Wer hätte es gedacht? Die FGZ hat ihren ersten Anzeigenkunden! Darum hier die Werbeanzeige:

A N Z E I G E

Riedberg 1

Fühlen Sie sich bedroht? Leben Sie in ständiger Angst vor Kriminalität? Ist Ihnen das Leben in der Innenstadt zu multikulturell?

Wollen Sie in einer garantiert aufgeräumten Nachbarschaft leben, in der „bürgerliche Werte“ noch etwas bedeuten?

Schätzen Sie eine garantiert moscheefreie Umgebung?

Sind sie so ökobewusst, dass Ihnen die Energiebilanz Ihres Hauses wichtiger ist als eine schöne Fassade?

Haben Sie nichts gegen ein wenig Schimmel in Ihrem überisolierten Passivhaus einzuwenden?

Dann kommen Sie doch nach Riedberg!

Frankfurts blitzsaubere seelenlose Trabantenstadt, direkt zwischen Kalbach und Niederursel, lädt Sie auf einen Besuch ein.

Riedberg 2

Hier gibt es alles was Sie brauchen:

Ausländerfreie Kindertagesstätten, kopftuchfreie Bio-Supermärkte und keine Hartz IV-Empfänger weit und breit.

Hier gibt es keine Burkas! Sie können allen Nachbarn offen ins Gesicht sehen- und das alles ohne die lästige Pflicht sie zu grüßen!

Sofern Ihre Kinder die spießigen Nachbarn nicht stören, dürfen sie sogar zwischen 15 und 18 Uhr an allen Werktagen Fußball im Hof spielen.

Aber natürlich in Zimmerlautstärke.

Schließlich braucht eine „werteorientierte“ Nachbarschaft Ruhe und Sauberkeit.

Hier bei uns wird Uniformität groß geschrieben, darum erhalten Sie beim Kauf einer Wohnung in Riedberg ein nagelneues Navigations-Handy gratis.

Damit können Sie ihr Haus unter den hundert anderen Häusern identischer Bauart leichter wiederfinden.

Denn architektonisch ist Riedberg eine Meisterleistung!

Alle Bauwerke sind in einem einheitlichen Stil gehalten, der mutige Anleihen an den sowjetischen Realismus wagt, aber gleichzeitig moderne Souveränität ausstrahlt und durch Funktionalität besticht.

Eventuell gibt es bald sogar einen Anschluss an das öffentliche Verkehrsnetz. Aber selbstverständlich bekommt jeder frischgebackene Riedberger zu seiner Wohnung auch noch einen Garagenplatz für sein persönliches Heiligtum: Seinen fahrbaren Untersatz.

Riedberg 3

Zögern Sie nicht:

Kaufen Sie sich jetzt noch eine überteuerte Wohnung, bevor die Preise verfallen und das ganze Viertel letztlich doch zu einem Ghetto verkommt.

Denn Riedberg lohnt sich! (…nicht)

-Sicherheitshalber weist die FGZ darauf hin, dass es sich hierbei nicht um eine echte Werbeanzeige, sondern um eine Satire handelt, die nicht von den Immobilienspekulanten, die für Riedberg verantwortlich sind, autorisiert wurde-


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