Frankfurter Gemeine Zeitung

Der Kleingartentorschlüssel verantwortliche

Gartenzwergpolizei

Die folgende Geschichte ist keine Parodie. Ich verbürge mich hiermit für ihren Wahrheitsgehalt, auch wenn sie sich vielleicht unglaublich anhört:

Ich habe einen Freund in Karlsruhe, den ich regelmäßig besuchen fahre. Einmal im Jahr veranstaltet er zusammen mit einem Kumpel ein schönes Sommerfest mit etwa 100 Gästen. Da mein Freund Perfektionist ist, treibt er dabei regelmäßig einen immensen Aufwand, mietet Bierbänke, Zelte und eine große Musikanlage.

Das Fest findet auf einer Wiese neben einer Kleingartenanlage statt, auf der der Kumpel meines Freundes eine Gartenparzelle gemietet hat. Von dort holt er mittels Verlängerungskabel den Strom für die Feier.
Der Pächter der Wiese hat nichts dagegen, dass auf seiner Wiese gefeiert wird, sofern am nächsten Tag der Müll weggeräumt wird. Dies hat mein Freund schon lange mit ihm abgeklärt.
Die Wiese selbst gehört nicht zum Kleingartengelände, obwohl sie direkt an dieses angrenzt.
Eigentlich wäre sie ein sehr ruhiges Plätzchen, wenn sie nicht direkt an einer Bahntrasse liegen würde, über die alle 30 Minuten Tag und Nacht ein riesiger Güterzug donnert.

Mit dem Auto erreicht man die Wiese nur über einen Waldweg, an dessen Anfang sich eine hölzerne Schranke befindet, die aber normalerweise offen ist.

Bei der vorletzten Party kamen zwei Personen mit deutschem Schäferhund an der Leine und fragten, wer meinem Freund denn erlaubt habe, dort zu feiern. Bei den Personen handelte es sich um den Herrn W. und seine Frau, die ebenfalls einen Kleingarten in der Gartenanlage hatten.
Mein Freund antwortete, der Pächter der Wiese habe ihm erlaubt dort zu feiern.
Die Frau W. wollte sich damit nicht zufrieden geben.

Sie war der Auffassung, es sei grundsätzlich verboten, auf Wiesen zu feiern und mein Freund solle sich vorsehen, wenn das der Wiesenschütz mitbekommt. Sie werde eine Feier auf diesem Gelände jedenfalls nicht dulden und deshalb den Wiesenschütz verständigen.
Mein Freund und sein Kumpel wussten nicht, wer mit diesem ominösen Wiesenschütz gemeint sei und fragten etwas schnippisch, ob es sich dabei um den Bruder des Baumbarts oder einen entfernten Verwandten des Waldmeisters handelt.

Frau W. fühlte sich auf den Arm genommen und zog schimpfend und drohend mit ihrem Mann ab.
Leider kam der Wiesenschütz nicht, obwohl ihn alle mit Spannung erwarteten. Auch der Baumbart und der Waldmeister glänzten durch Abwesenheit.

Die Feier verlief dann zur allgemeinen Zufriedenheit, wenn auch manchmal Musik und Strom ausfielen, weil irgendjemand den Stecker des Verlängerungskabels gezogen hatte. (Wer das wohl war?)

Am nächsten Tag mussten dann natürlich die Zelte und die Anlage abgebaut werden und ich half beim Abbau mit.
Wir wunderten uns aber nicht schlecht, dass plötzlich die Schranke des Waldweges mit einer Kette und einem nagelneuen glänzenden Vorhängeschloss versehen war.
Mein Freund vermutete richtigerweise, dass der Herr W. für das Verschließen der Schranke verantwortlich sei und ging zu dessen Garten, wo ihn der Herr W. schon süffisant grinsend erwartete.
Mein Freund forderte den Herrn W. auf, den Weg freizugeben, doch dieser weigerte sich und verwies auf seine Position als Haupttorschlüsselverantwortlicher der Kleingartenanlage.
Der Kumpel meines Freundes, der ja selbst einen Kleingarten in der Anlage hatte, wies zutreffenderweise darauf hin, dass weder der Waldweg, noch die dazugehörige Schranke zum Gelände der Kleingartenanlage gehören und der Herr W. demnach überhaupt nicht das Recht habe, diese Schranke abzuschließen, trotz seines Amtes als Haupttorschlüsselverantwortlicher.
Außerdem appellierten die beiden an die Vernunft des Herrn W., da es bei abgeschlossener Schranke überhaupt nicht möglich sei, die Hinterlassenschaften der Party ordnungsgemäß zu beseitigen.
Der Herr W. blieb stur.

Irgendwann reichte es dem Kumpel meines Freundes und er kündigte an, nun einen Bolzenschneider aus seiner Gartenhütte zu holen und das Schloss zu durchtrennen, wenn der Herr W. es nicht freiwillig entferne.
Der Herr W. drohte im Gegenzug mit einer Strafanzeige wegen Sachbeschädigung, wenn seinem Schloss nur ein Haar gekrümmt werde.

Bevor die Situation noch weiter eskalierte bekam allerdings der Vorsitzende des Kleingartenvereins Wind von der Angelegenheit und wies den Herrn W. an, sein Schloss umgehend zu entfernen und die Schranke freizugeben.
Der Autorität dieses Amtes musste sich der Herr W. dann doch zähneknirschend beugen.

Am nächsten Tag hing ein Zettel am schwarzen Brett des Kleingartenvereins:

Sehr geehrter Vorstand, sehr geehrte Mitglieder,

aufgrund der Ereignisse des letzten Wochenendes sehe ich mich gezwungen mein Amt als Haupttorschlüsselverantwortlicher des Kleingartenvereins […] e.V. unter Protest und mit sofortiger Wirkung niederzulegen.

Hochachtungsvoll

W.

Ist Deutschland nicht manchmal einfach nur Scheiße?


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