Frankfurter Gemeine Zeitung

Ackermanns Traum (2)

4. Josef Ackermann in seiner Zelle auf der Pritsche. Carsten Maschmeyer schläft in der Nebenzelle.

Ackermann: Carsten?

Maschmeyer schnarcht

Ackermann: Maschmeyer, schlafen Sie schon?

Maschmeyer (schnarcht)

Ackermann: Also ich kann nicht schlafen, das macht der Tee. Vielleicht sollte ich was lesen

Maschmeyer (schnarcht)

Ackermann: Maschmeyer… Deutschland muss aufwachen!

Maschmeyer (durch die Wand): Was ist los?

Ackermermann: War nur ein Scherz, schlafen sie weiter.

Maschmeyer schläft weiter.

Ackermann: Ich würde jetzt auch lieber schlafen. Aber,Maschmeyer, ich weiß im Gegensatz zu ihnen, dass ich in Wirklichkeit bereits schlafe und dies gar nicht die Wirklichkeit ist. Ich bin der weiße König aus Alice in Wonderland, Maschmeyer. Ich weiß, ich bin gar nicht hier in dieser Zelle, ich träume das nur, und wenn ich aufhöre, sie zu träumen, Maschmeyer, wissen sie , was das dann passiert, mit ihnen? Sie verschwinden einfach! Sie verschwinden!

(Maschmeyer schnarcht weiter)

Aber ich sehe mir das erst mal eine Weile an, sozusagen als Gedankenexperiment….Seltsam …Wenn ich nur in meinem Traum endlich einschlafen könnte, morgen wird’s ein harter Tag… „Denk ich an Deutschland in der Nacht bin ich um den Schlaf gebracht! (er gähnt) “ Von wem war der Slogan noch mal?..

Maschmeyer (durch die Wand) Deutsche Schlafwagengesellschaft…kein Erfolg

Ackermann: Kein…Erfolg…

Er schläft ein. Maschmeyer schnarcht, Ackermann schnarcht

5. Berger mit den Genossen in Dannys Duty free shop

Berger: Bevor wir in die Planung eintreten, wie wir den Genossen Ackermann befreien, geht’s darum, wie wir der Öffentlichkeit Content vermitteln. Genossin Roth?

Roth: Ja, ich habe zunächst über das Branding nachgedacht. Welche Identity brauchen wir für die Befreiungsaktion? Ich schlage vor: „Kommando 31. Okober.“

Berger. Mmmhh, gefällt mir nicht so ganz. Was ist denn das für ein Datum?

Roth. Weltspartag. Wir könnten uns damit in die populäre Geizwelle einklinken.

Berger: Aber ist der Weltspartag nicht eher konservativ besetzt?

Veit: Nach dem Zusammenbruch des neuen Marktes sehnt sich das Volk nach etwas Beständigem. Es will wieder sparen. Außerdem ist der Weltspartag der Tag der internationalen Sparsolidarität. An diesem Tag spart die Welt.

Roth: Was spart sie denn?

Veit: Das weiß keiner!

Berger: Frage: Wer kennt heute noch das exakte Datum des Weltspartages?

Roth: Also, meine Mutter kennt das noch!

Veit: Bei uns in der Sparkasse kennt das keiner.

Berger: Also, lassen wir das: wir nennen uns „Kommando SPARTAG-KUSS, da ist doch

alles drin, oder? Küsschen, Frau Roth. Küsschen, Herr Veit.

Beide: Küsschen, Herr Berger.

Alle zusammen: Es lebe SpartagKuss! Freiheit für Josef Ackermann!

(Victoryzeichzen, sie schlafen ein)

6. Ackermann in seiner Zelle im Gespräch mit Frau Schneider

Ackermann: Guten Morgen, Frau Schneider.

Schneider: Guten Morgen, Herr Ackermann. Gut geschlafen?

Ackermann: Na, geht so. Wissen Sie eigentlich schlafe ich ja immer noch, weil ich träume das alles hier. Andererseits konnte ich nicht schlafen.

Schneider: Das…. tut mir aufrichtig leid, Herr Ackermann.

Ackermann: Egal, Hauptsache, die Gefängnisleitung hat eingesehen, dass ich auch hier jemand brauche für meine Termine. Was liegt denn an heute?

Schneider: 7.30 Uhr Waschen, 7.45 Morgengymnastik, 8 Uhr Breakfast, danach Lektüre Morgenzeitungen: FAZ, Handelsblatt, Financial times, Managermagazin usw., die wichtigen Artikel habe ich schon rosa gemarkert, danach Lektüre klassisch: Georg Simmel: Die Philosophie des Geldes. Die wichtigen Passagen habe ich gelb gemarkert, 11 Uhr Abfassung Gnadengesuch an Bundespräsiden Wulff, der Draft liegt bei, E-Mail an Amnesty International wegen Aufnahme in die Verfolgtenkartei, inclusive einer großzügigen Spendenüberweisung.

Ackermann: Es muss klar werden, dass ich das nicht aus egoistischen Motiven tue. Ich habe schon immer gefunden, dass die einen sehr wichtigen Job machen.

Schneider. Natürlich Herr Ackermann. 11. 30 Lunch, 12.30 Uhr Hofgang, im Hof C, etwa 5 Runden, links herum, mittleres Schritttempo zusammen mit den anderen Häftlingen, danach 7 Runden, rechte Laufrichtung, ich habe ihre Schritte auf dem Boden des Innenhofes grün gemarkert, die von Maschmeyer sind schwarz, die von Rürup Magenta.

Ackermann: Perfekt, Frau Schneider.

Schneider: 13.30-14.15 Uhr Mittagsruhe, vorher leidenschaftlicher Kuss auf meine Lippen, ich habe meine Lippen rot gemarkert, .die von Maschmeyer sind schwarz, die von Rürup Magenta. Ab 14.15 Uhr Tütenkleben mit den anderen Gefangenen.

Ackermann: Tütenkleben?

Schneider: Ja, in den Strafvollzugsanstalten werden seit kurzem zerrissene Plastiktüten von ALDI, LIDL und PLUS geklebt. In Abstimmung mit den genannten Companies erhofft sich der Bund davon Mehreinnahmen in Höhe von 12 Milliarden Euro.

Ackermann: Aha, wer hat sich das ausgedacht?

Schneider. Es handelt sich um eine Initiative von Wolfgang Schäuble und Jürgen Trittin.

Ackermann: Akzeptanz bei den Häftlingen?

Schneider: Mittel. Kleber, ich meine Rürup klebte gestern in 4 Stunden 3 Tüten.

Ackermann: Da kann er dann ja seine Altersvorsorge hineinstecken, haha. Gut Frau Schneider: Haben wir die Chance, dass ich zwischen 14 und 18 Uhr 300 Tüten performe?

Schneider: Ich habe 2 Tuben Mikrosekundenkleber besorgt, ist offiziell noch gar nicht auf dem Markt. Damit kleben sie schneller als der Schall, Herr Ackermann.

Ackermann: Gut wir werden den Herrschaften zeigen, wie man business macht. Frau Schneider, was wäre ich ohne sie. Bevor sie kamen , war mein Tagesablauf so leer und unstrukturiert. Mein Zeitmanagement hatte hier erhebliche Lücken. Schokolade?

(er bietet ihr einen Schokoladen-Taler an)

 


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