Frankfurter Gemeine Zeitung

Willkommen bei Facebook

Hallo lieber neuer Freund,

Ich bin es: Dein Facebook.

Ich freue mich riesig, dass wir jetzt Freunde sind und Du, meine Werbepartner und ich werden ab jetzt gemeinsam eine Menge Spaß haben.
Zunächst einmal danke ich Dir, dass Du so ehrlich warst, hier Deinen vollständigen Namen und ein biometrisches Foto von Dir hochzustellen. Das gefällt mir.
Schließlich wollen alle Deine neuen Freunde ja wissen mit wem sie es da zu tun haben.

Apropos neue Freunde: Ich hätte Dir da auch gleich ein paar vorzuschlagen… aber wärst Du vielleicht so nett, mir vorher Deine Handynummer und Adresse mitzuteilen, damit unsere Freundschaft noch intensiver und Dein Account noch sicherer wird?

Nicht? Schade. Aber Deine Freunde Michael, Christine, Peter, Karl, Murat, Enrico, Paul und John haben das auch schon getan und ihnen gefällt das.

Übrigens gefällt mir die Firma XY-Games recht gut. Gefällt sie Dir auch? Wenn ja, magst Du ihr vielleicht Zugriff auf Deinen Account erlauben.
Dann kannst Du zum Beispiel virtuelle Haargummis für Dein neues virtuelles Haustier einfach und bequem mit Deinem PayPal-Account bezahlen.
Aber wärst Du vielleicht so nett, mir vorher Deine Handynummer und Adresse mitzuteilen, damit unsere Freundschaft noch intensiver und Dein Account noch sicherer wird?

Nicht? Schade.

Aber ich habe eine neue Funktion erfunden und ich bin sicher sie gefällt Dir. Deinen Freunden Michael, Christine, Peter, Karl, Murat, Enrico, Paul und John gefällt sie.
Auch sie haben mit dem neuen Freunde-Finder jede Menge neue Freunde gefunden und neue Freunde gefallen schließlich jedem.

Wie das geht? Ganz einfach: Du gibst mir die Erlaubnis, alle Deine E-Mails zu durchstöbern und ich kann dann alle Adressen sehen, die Dir jemals geschrieben haben. Dann kann ich Dir alle Leute, die Dir geschrieben haben, als Freunde empfehlen und das wird Dir gefallen.

Natürlich speichere ich die Inhalte Deiner E-Mails nicht, schließlich achte ich Deine Privatsphäre. Aber wärst Du vielleicht so nett, mir vorher Deine Handynummer und Adresse mitzuteilen, damit unsere Freundschaft noch intensiver und Dein Account noch sicherer wird?

Mir kannst Du schließlich vertrauen. Ich mache ja keinen Mist mit Deinen Daten, denn inzwischen bin ich eine riesige Firma und riesigen Firmen kann man immer vertrauen, so wie Apple oder Sony.

Deshalb habe ich auch strikte Spielregeln in Bezug auf Datenschutz und Du kannst frei darüber bestimmen, welche Daten Du mit wem teilst. Um unsere Freundschaft ein Wenig interessanter zu gestalten, ändere ich die Spielregeln für den Datenschutz ab und an mal. Aber sei unbesorgt: Ich werde Dich nicht jedes Mal mit lästigen Informationen darüber nerven, sondern mache das alles still und heimlich. Ich bin mir sicher das gefällt Dir.
Aber wärst Du vielleicht so nett, mir vorher Deine Handynummer und Adresse mitzuteilen, damit unsere Freundschaft noch intensiver und Dein Account noch sicherer wird?

Schließlich will man sich unter guten Freunden ja auch einmal anrufen können. Und meine Werbepartner würden sich riesig freuen, wenn Du an einer kleinen telefonischen Umfrage teilnehmen könntest. Schließlich wollen wir alle wissen, welche Produkte Dir gefallen.

Vielleicht magst Du ja auch zulassen, dass ich Deinen Standort lokalisiere, immer wenn Du Dich einloggst? Deine Freunde Michael, Christine, Peter, Karl, Murat, Enrico, Paul und John machen das auch und ihnen gefällt das.
Ich kann Dir dann immer sagen, wer von Deinen Freunden sich wann wo aufhält. Vielleicht machen ja ein paar von Euch gleichzeitig Urlaub auf Mallorca, ohne dass die anderen davon wissen.
Wäre doch total cool, wenn Ihr Euch dann ganz spontan am Strand treffen könntet.
Außerdem bekomme ich so ein Superklasse-Bewegungsprofil von Dir und das wird meine Werbepartner bestimmt brennend interessieren.

Aber besonders gut geht das, wenn Du Deine Handynummer mit diesem Account verknüpfst.

Also könntest Du mir jetzt verdammt nochmal Deine verdammte Handynummer mitteilen? Wenn Du das nicht endlich machst, dann ist Dein Account unsicher und wird gehacked und Du verlierst alle Deine Freunde und das würde Dir doch nicht gefallen… ODER?!?!?
Denn so schwer ist es nicht, einen dieser Accounts hier zu hacken… NIMM DICH IN ACHT!!!


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