Frankfurter Gemeine Zeitung

exclusivinterview mit dem ob-kandidaten der PARTEI oliver maria schmitt

Sehr geehrter Herr Oliver Maria Schmitt, es hat uns einige Mühe und Zeit gekostet, Sie persönlich zu erreichen. Das läßt darauf schließen, daß Sie und Ihre Unterstützer von der PARTEI (der Partei für Arbeit, Rechtsstaat, Tierschutz, Elitenförderung und basisdemokratische Initiativen) lange und ausgiebig Ihren sehr ansehnlichen Erfolg von fast 2 % der (angeblich) abgegebenen Stimmen, gefeiert haben?

So ist es.

Denken Sie, daß alles mit rechten Dingen vonstatten gegangen ist? In meinem Wahllokal gab es beispielsweise keine webcams. Und der Wahlleiter nebst seinen BeisitzerInnen, sie waren auffällig freundlich. Ausweisen konnte sich aber von denen niemand. Und auf dem Schulhof lungerten Männer in langen Mänteln herum, aus denen nackte Unterschenkel herauslugten. Indizien, die Wahl anzufechten, auf die Straße zu gehen?

Wir lassen das sehr genau prüfen.

Die Grundvoraussetzungen allein waren aber schon unfair. Wir wissen, Sie haben keine Kinder. Im Gegensatz von Boris ’Shotgun’ Rhein von der CDU. Denken Sie, Ihre Chancen wären besser gewesen, Sie hätten auf Ihren Wahlplakaten ein angeblich spontanes Foto draufgepappt, wo Sie Ihrer schönen Frau aus einem Ihrer Bücher vorgelesen hätten und ihren Scheitel getätschelt hätten?

Das ist reine Spekulation.

Was mich immer wieder bei Wahlen verwundert: Der Bürger muß sich klein machen. Diesmal hatte ich das Glück, im Raum einer vierten Klasse wählen zu dürfen. Also nicht auf die Knie zu gehen wie beim letzten Mal in der Bornheimer Kita, einer dieser Gebärauschußanstalten. Wäre das nicht ein Thema für die nächste OB-Wahl?

Sie sagen es.

In der bourgeoisen Partei der Frankfurter Grünen wird darüber gestritten, ob man nun eine Wahlempfehlung für Boris ’Fucking Gun’ Rhein ab geben soll. So runter sind Sie noch nicht, oder?

Es wäre sicher verfrüht, hierzu eine konkrete Aussage zu machen.

Sehr geehrter Herr Schmitt, wir danken Ihnen für die geduldige Beantwortung dieser vollkommen beknackten Fragen. Oh, sorry, da ruft gerade …


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